It’s a beautiful Sunday.

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I got to stay home with the boys last night. The girls were up in Salt Lake. We ate shrimp and pie and watched cartoons in our pajamas.

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If you’re just joining the program, I have four children ages nine, seven, three, and zero. Two girls and two boys. My wife and I are done. That’s plenty of kids! We are having a good time and don’t feel overwhelmed. I have joy with my children.

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The greatest challenge I’ve had as a parent is keeping to a regimen. It seems like every night it’s a little different: some nights it’s piggy-back rides, others dad’s too tired. Some nights it’s 8pm others it’s 10pm. Almost always brush-your-teeth, but sometimes just-go-to-bed-we’re-tired.

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It has gotten successively better over the years. We’re really good about reading scriptures and having prayers every night. In fact, well over a 90% success rate there.

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I suppose it’s easy to dismiss successes and constantly focus on my failings. I am comparing myself to an illusory Shawn-in-the-sky and letting loose a long sigh.

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It reminds me of a few quotes, and at the risk of repetition I present them here:

Abraham Lincoln wisely said, “It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.”

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When we dwell on our own weaknesses, it is easy to dwell on the feelings that we are unworthy. Somehow we need to bridge the gap between continually striving to improve and yet not feeling defeated when our actions aren’t perfect all the time. We need to remove unworthy from our vocabulary and replace it with hope and work. — Marvin J. Ashton

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Shortly after my father died in 2003, I was riding in the car with my sister and lamenting that he was not able to spend time with his grand-kids. She stopped the car and looked at me and said “Are you insane? What makes you think he would have wanted to do that?” Then it hit me that I had created in my mind this fictional person; my father as I hoped him to be. But the truth was that he was really not the “nature hike” sort.

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That is often a stumbling block for me. I create a fictional reality then make myself miserable when real reality does not match up to that. Getting past this has done wonders for my marriage. I just let all my stupid expectations go, started laughing more and appreciating my wife (and kids) for who they are. Taking joy in the journey.

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Or in the immortal word of Sheryl Crow: “It’s not getting what you want. It’s wanting what you got.”

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Or in the immortal words of Mung Daal: “Women are full of these things called Expectations. When she loooowers her expectations all is well.”

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The God that I know is the supreme optimist. He is ready and willing to bring every soul just as far along the path as he or she is willing to go. He regards the whole human race with paternal regard, with gentle-ness and tender-ness. He has given us our freedom, to do as we choose. He is the great Love Magnet in the Sky, drawing all upwards to receive the greatest Joy the soul is willing to embrace.

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The Universe is a mighty big place. In the next 500 years, each inhabitant of this Earth will find his or her place in it, and find wisdom and understanding through personal experience during mortality; a great journey of self-discovery.

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Some souls will gravitate to each other, and form congregations of like-willed and like-loved individuals. Some will raise their hands and sing a paradise into existence. Others will create a black hole for themselves and dive headfirst into it.

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I had a thought as I lay awake this morning. Someone right now is thinking “If Heavenly Father is so good and kind, why did he allow my dog to die (or insert bad thing here)?” I suggest to the reader that it is God’s active will and his power to set bounds that prevents well over 90% of bad things from happening. In other words, were he to slacken the reigns the whole world would be plunged into a living nightmare of violence and depravity. Or in other words like the 40K universe.

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Indeed, what God (and I don’t like to use that word– it carries too many preconceptions) has allowed is for mankind to choose for themselves. Most of the problems on the earth are created by humans. I don’t want to go any deeper than this, so I’ll just stop now.

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Another thought: sometimes something I think is “bad” is actually good for me.

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I would like to offer a word of encouragement to the young readers: life holds great things for you. The best is yet to come, things that are so good you can’t imagine it right now. Keep your chin up. If you have made a mistake, correct your course and keep plugging along. I assure you that the universe is not a cold place where you are alone, it is teeming with life and you are connected with invisible threads to other souls (visible and invisible) who love you.

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*in Mormon cosmology, Angels are not a separate race. We are angels. Humans live in the presence of their Kind Lord before this life and then afterwards again. The spirits of humans made just, drenched in joy, their faces shining with light and understanding. These are angels. They speak by looking in your face, where the thoughts and intents of the heart are made evident. It is in this dark world that we learn to avert our gaze and shift around to not make eye contact.