I feel suddenly inclined to talk about marriage. I hope my comments do not come across as preachy or moralizing, but rather as a humble proffering. This is only my one perspective.

It takes careful preparation. There should be courtship and consideration. It is a matter of great seriousness because it is not just for one’s self, but for the successive generations. I think it is the woman who must exercise the greatest discretion, for she is choosing the father of her children.

People do change over the long course of a good marriage, but it’s not such a good idea to count on that. Take a close and objective look. Marriage isn’t some doofus hipster thing that is only for the entertainment of the individual. It is the foundation of society, successive generations, and the formative years of small children.

Too much physical affection can cloud one’s judgment. That is a good and wholesome part of marriage, but not everything. Perhaps likened to mortar. It’s the bricks that are important. But boy that mortar sure does hold it all together. Is that right? That makes it sound like critically important

.

You’ve got to be practical and address the day-to-day items. How will the duties be divided? What are the practical goals? What about children and child-rearing? What are the basic rules of life?

.

My wife and I seriously curtailed the expression of physical affection during our courtship so that we could keep our heads on straight. We decided to never be alone together. We spent a lot of time at the public park and on the front steps of our homes.

Each person is different. There are many different situations. For me, I prepared for many years, and so when I found the right woman (or a right woman) it was only nineteen days from first date to proposal. But I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that for everyone. It’s a tough call. I’d say there’s only like a one in hundred chance of any two people being really compatible for a long-term marriage. You can beat those odds by dating a hundred people and keeping careful track of what you liked and didn’t like about each one. This doesn’t have to be hot and heavy for each date-ee. It can be a brief and friendly relationship, perhaps even without any romantic tones. Just a chance to get to know someone.

.

I definitely recommend making a list of “must haves” and a list of “dealbreakers”. That your future spouse have the same fundamental beliefs is a must. People think that love conquers all, but be careful, things that don’t seem important while gallavanting around town like two star-crossed lovers are of critical importance at 2am when the baby is crying.

.

Then, of course, there’s the time to just quit your hem-hawing and just do it. There’s never a perfect time.

.

The piece of paper does matter. Sometimes the die-hard commitment is what sees it through when times are bad.

.

I remember being afraid of marriage for a while. I had heard how bad it was. That it was some kind of ordeal. My experience has been the exact opposite. Sure, there’s some arguments and bickering, but the general undercurrent is very pleasing.

.

I was greatly, immensely benefited by being LDS and following that formula before and after getting married. A “Mormon” wedding in a temple is short, sweet, and uncomplicated. It is extremely quiet. Two people kneel across an altar and clasp hands. I think it’s about ten minutes for the whole thing. I loved it.

.

Also, it never hurts to talk to your parents. They might know a thing or two about it. Or maybe not. But at least listen.

.

There is a gracious and kind God in Heaven. Anyone can call on Him for help and enlightenment. Most certainly in the all-important issue of creating a happy, stable and lasting marriage.